The Vampires of San Francisco

Jason: “What are you gonna do?”
Me: “I don’t know why he doesn’t just get the fuck out of my house.”
Jason: “How you gonna get him out of your house? He’s a big fucking werewolf.”
Me: “I don’t know! But if I start stabbing him with silver, he’s not gonna leave.”
Jim: “Does the werewolf look like it’s going to attack?”
Jason: “Oh yeah. You gonna Full Brujah this motherfucker?”
Me: “Yeah, no, that’s not gonna go well.”
Jason: “Yeah, werewolves will Brujah more than you.”
Jim: “Fuller Brujah.”

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Jim: “You know, in some ways, several hundred of my characters have died this campaign.”
Chris: “So you should clearly be 400 xp behind everyone else.
Jim: “…Goddamit.”
Chris: “May each of us have 60 xp from Anstis?”
Jason: “No, I’m just gonna dock it all from him. Jim, you go back to a starting character.”
Kara: “You have negative 200 xp.”
Jason: “You have zeros in all stats.”
Cameron: “Your new character is Slayer.”

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Jason: “He swings the axe, but he’s clearly not aiming for the shield.
Chris: “Hope he’s not aiming for my neck.”
Jason: “…Little bit.”
Me: “Do any of us watching notice he’s not playing by the rules?”
Jason: “You do now, but it’s a little late. I mean, it’s the middle of melee combat, it’s a little hard to, you know, always know where you’re swinging. At least that’s the excuse he’s gonna use.”
Cameron: “It was an axe-ident.”

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Kara: “Oh wait, wasn’t I supposed to go to Pluto tomorrow night?”
Me: “No, not yet, it was delayed because of cabbages.”

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Jason: “When last we left off, our intrepid adventurers were on a boat. Oh wait, a submarine. Oh wait, a submarine filled with evil shit. So you, Tom, were confronted by a hideous abomination from the bowels of hell, a soul-draining monstrosity of darkness, shadow, and pain. You are also confronted by Accio.”

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Jason: “It’s a very tight fit in the bathysphere.”
Me: “Urg. And he smells bad.”
Jason: “Yep. And you’re a big guy.”
Jim: “And so am I.”
Jason: “And so is he. It’s almost comedic. You vaguely hear a sitcom theme playing.”
Me: “IT TAKES A LOT TO MAKE A STEW! A PINCH OF SALT AND LAUGHTER TOO—“

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Jason: “Bob looks overjoyed. He’s actually quivering with what you hope is excitement.”
Kara: “Awww, has he never been praised before?”
Jason: “He’s a Tremere ghoul, almost certainly not.”
Jim: “Especially cause he’s not bright enough to be praised that often.”
Jason: “No, he’s not the brightest. He would have been embraced if he was. ….Which is an option, by the way.”
Kara: “Embracing him?”
Jason: “Yeah.”
Kara: “Um…Let’s keep that on the back-burner.”
Jason: “And now I think you begin to understand.”

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Kara: “I look at him with a mixture of, ‘Thank you,’ and, ‘Why couldn’t you have conjured the water on top of the were-beast?’”
Jason: “Because the flagstone wasn’t on top of the were-beast.”
Kara: *sigh* “Excuses, excuses.”
Jason: “Oh I’m sorry, did the mage’s act of transcendental miracle work not suffice for you?”
Jim: “Well he could have done better, come on. He could have fired water out of his gun!”
Jason: “…It’s a deathray, not a supersoaker.”

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Me: “Okay, so…what’s my inventory…oh, shit, I lost my shotgun didn’t I?”
Jason: “You brought one shotgun to San Simeon but you have another one here.”
Me: “Oh that’s right! Okay, so I have one shotgun, dragonsbreath shells, regular shells, some stakes, Vera, a bandolier of Vera’s ammo…is Vera semi-auto or full auto? How fast will I use that?”
Jason: “Full auto, but it’s a relatively slow firing rate.”
Me: “Oh that’s right, okay…and I have the magic sword. Is that it? I guess I didn’t bring the SAW…or the M16….”
Jason: “I think with the 50-cal BMG you’ll probably be fine.”

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